


I'm Here Because Of You

by mindlikecas



Series: For The Love of Lawrence [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drama, F/M, Homophobic Language, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, POV Castiel, Past Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:36:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4955329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlikecas/pseuds/mindlikecas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is devastated when Meg broke up with him, and now even his rebound won't call him back. Everywhere he goes in Lawrence reminds him of painful memories, so it's finally time to leave this city for good and he's not looking back. Everything goes great until he has to return for work and meets a random (and quite hot) stranger at a local bar. Then he starts thinking that maybe Lawrence isn't so bad after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. F This Town

**Author's Note:**

> This story is an alternative universe. Dean/Cas is the endgame of this story although it starts with Cas/Chuck. If you are looking for Cas/Chuck, you probably won't be very happy with this story. It takes a little while for Dean to enter the picture. But he will. Trust the process my lovely readers. :)
> 
> This story was written for the 2015 DCBB. Thank you to my wonderful beta, [Michele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenbot) and my amazing artist, [Amberley](http://ambersagen.tumblr.com/). You guys rock!
> 
> Amberley's art is super cute and awesome! You can find it at the beginning of chapters 3 and 8 where it fits into the story. :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Warnings: There is some homophobic language towards the end and some cuss words sprinkled throughout.

The silence was deafening and made Castiel's skin crawl. He didn't know what to say or what to do and neither did Chuck. While capable of holding their own in most social situations, now that they were alone, things had gotten awkward.

Castiel looked up at the man sitting next to him and smiled politely. Chuck was smiling as well.

 _What does that mean? Should I do something?_ Cas thought as he sat there. He broke the silence with, "Want to watch an episode of _Arrested Development_?"

"Sure." Cas turned to the computer and began pulling up the show on Netflix, happy to have something to do to ease the tension between them.

Despite the awkwardness, Cas was thrilled to have Chuck here in his apartment and sitting on his couch. There was just something about him that was exciting. He had had a crush on Chuck since the very first day he had started working at Lawrence Ads, an advertising agency in the exciting town of Lawrence, Kansas.

They had been hanging out more lately, sometimes with a group of friends and sometimes alone at Castiel's apartment. Tonight was Valentine's Day and here they were, sitting on Castiel's couch.

The night's events had been Castiel's idea. During lunch, his co-workers were all complaining about not having dates for Valentine's Day, and Cas suggested that they all go see a movie together. It sure beats hanging out home alone on the loneliest night of the year. They had agreed. Of course, this was Cas's way of going to Valentine's Day with Chuck without having to actually ask him out.

In truth, he was head over heels for the guy, and Chuck seemed to be returning the feelings, but neither of them would admit that to one another. Castiel hated his inability to really judge human behavior and lamented even more that Chuck seemed to share the exact same trait. This had led to many awkward nights on the couch together watching random TV and talking about their lives. But Cas hoped tonight would be different. It was Valentine's Day after all. But he wasn't going to make the first move.

During the show, Chuck laid down and put his head on Cas's lap. Cas's heart jumped. _Progress._ Cas tepidly laid his hand on Chuck's arm, testing the waters. Chuck didn't respond to the gesture. _Is that good or bad? He'd react if he didn't want my hand there, right?_

The show continued. At the end of the episode, Chuck looked up at him. "Want to watch another one?" He asked.

"Sure," Cas responded enthusiastically, trying not to sound as scared as he was feeling. He gave Chuck a timid smile.

"You know, you'd probably be more comfortable if you were laying down. Want to switch positions?"

Cas's heart jumped again. "There should be enough room on this couch for both of us to lay down," he stated matter-of-factly. Yes, there was room, but they'd have to lie very close together.

"True." Chuck sat up to let Cas out from under his head, placed a pillow where Cas was sitting, and then laid back down. Cas moved to lie down in front of him.

 _Breathe, Cas. Breathe._ He didn't focus much on the next episode of the show. He was too busy trying to make his breathing sound normal so Chuck wouldn't think he was hyperventilating or anything silly like that. Before he knew it, the episode was over.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, but was probably just about a minute. Then Cas spoke up. "That was a good episode."

"Yeah. It was."

More silence.

Chuck ended up being the one to break the silence this time. "Would it be alright if I kissed you?"

Castiel nodded almost a bit too enthusiastically. "I'd really like that."

Then they were kissing and hands began to roam timidly over each other's bodies. The kisses became more frantic as they continued to get more and more comfortable with each other, but Cas let Chuck lead. He hadn't been with a guy since college and wasn’t sure how this was suppose to proceed.

Castiel had never really been a natural at sex. People had told him that his body should know what to do, but his didn't seem to have come with that innate knowledge. His view of porn wasn't as entertainment but education. He would watch in order to see what other people do in these intimate moments. (There was one in particular involving a pizza man...) His typical plan was to let the other person lead and he'd just copy their movements or follow their directions. It had worked pretty well up to this point.

All of a sudden, Chuck flipped them so Cas was on top. Then he just lay there looking up expectantly. _Crap. He just gave me the lead. Crap._

He leaned down and kissed Chuck but didn't move. Chuck kissed back but also gave him an 'Aren't you going to do something' look. Cas stopped the kisses and sat up, looking ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I'm really inexperienced at this. I've never been on top before." He blushed as he admitted that. He leaned down to kiss Chuck again before he had a chance to say anything in the hope that he'll just take the lead.

Chuck kissed back but still didn't move. Cas decided to try to grind against him, but soon realized that while he was hard, Chuck, well, wasn't. His face must have given his thoughts away because Chuck shrugged and turned them over so that they were side by side and wrapped his arms around Cas. "I'm just not feeling it tonight. Sorry."

Cas's spirit just sank. _Was it me? Did I do something wrong?_ He wanted to ask but just didn't have the courage. "Sorry that I suck in bed."

Chuck just held him for a few minutes before getting up. "I should probably go." Then he was gone. No hug like they normally do. Nothing.

Cas's stomach churned and he felt like he was going to be sick. _Why me? Why do I have to be so bad at this?_

######

The next day at work felt awkward. Even more than it normally did.

Chuck avoided Cas all day and even skipped the group lunch that they went to every day. He seemed to be making himself clear. He wasn't going to be hanging out with Cas anymore... At least for a little while.

Cas threw himself into his work. He had been working at Lawrence Ads for about a year and a half at this point and had risen to being one of their top creatives. He was regularly flown all over the country to meet with the company executives that hired his firm.

Lawrence Ads specialized in helping the small to medium companies compete against the big guys and had used their own marketing as a case study to prove that they could do just that. This was how a small advertising firm in Lawrence, Kansas had clients all over the US and even a few in Canada.

Cas's job was to work with new clients, meeting with the executives of the company and making a plan for their first advertising campaign. Then the client moved over the the ad team to make the campaign actually happen.

Cas was good at his job and it paid him a nice salary, but there were definitely times when it was boring. And on top of that, he was getting really tired of Lawrence. It was a nice town, but he had been here for the last 10 years, ever since graduating from the University of Kansas with degrees in Marketing and Psychology.

Everywhere he turned in Lawrence reminded him of times and people that he didn't want to be reminded of. There was the park that Meg used to take him to. There was the restaurant where Meg had gotten drunk on their anniversary. There was the neighborhood where they had lived together.

Meg had been the only person he had ever loved deeply. He had been convinced that they were going to get married and live the rest of their lives together. He was just working up the courage and figuring out the right time to ask.

But Meg made her decision before he had a chance to make his. He still had nightmares about their last day together.

They woke up snuggled in bed together. Meg was holding onto him extra tight. He woke up happy in her arms. But after they got out of bed, he knew something was bothering her. She seemed distant and lost in thought.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said and went off to the bathroom, leaving him to finish his breakfast.

He finished eating quickly and decided to go surprise her in the shower. When he opened the curtain to look in, she turned and blew him an air kiss. Meg, the woman who had refused to air kiss because it was too childish, blew him an air kiss.

His stomach sank and he knew. He wouldn't admit it, but it was that moment that he knew.

That day at work had been rough, but he wasn't surprised when he got the email at the end of the day.

_Castiel,_

_When I get home from work today, we should talk._

_\- Meg_

She broke up with him as soon as she walked in the door.

######

Castiel had been shattered that night. Broken up into a million pieces. It took weeks for him to be able to make it through the day without crying. It was even longer before he could go a day without thinking about her.

They had found their way back in bed together one night after having lunch in a vain attempt at staying friends, but it had been weird and just made Cas hurt even more. He knew that he had to get over her.

That's when April had entered the picture. April had never been that attractive to Cas, but they had hung out in the same group of people and were around each other a lot. Cas, despite being attracted to both genders, tended to gravitate towards women socially after a short failed relationship with a man in college. But if he was honest with himself, most women just didn't appeal to him as much as men did. They felt safe to be around. Well, except for Meg.

April had obviously had a crush on Cas, and Cas had let himself go along with it. He even had convinced himself that it might actually work despite the feeling that the relationship was wrong.

Things had gone downhill quickly when he wouldn't stop talking about Meg. Finally one night, Cas snapped when April had made a comment about a purchase he had made.

"When we get married, that's going to be my money, too, and you can't go around spending it on stuff like that."

He didn't know if it was the idea of marrying April or the idea of his money being hers or even the lack of freedom to spend HIS money how HE wanted to, but that comment had broken all attachment to April that he felt. And while they didn't break up immediately, their relationship had ended soon after that.

Despite the disaster that had been his relationship with April, it had been what he needed to get him past Meg. Chuck had been the first person that he had developed feelings for where those feelings weren't overshadowed by his repressed feelings for Meg. He really liked this guy, and he had ruined it because he was shy and passive.

There was a part of himself that hated his passiveness and his inability to interact well in social situations. He could do reasonably well in casual conversations. He had long ago mapped out most normal human interactions into scripts in his mind. Back in high school, he had trouble with the scripts getting mixed up such that he'd respond "Good" when someone would ask him "What's up?" But over the years, he had gotten better at it.

Unfortunately, that stopped in the intimate situations. He was just too inexperienced to come up with reliable maps. _Why can't I be like everyone else and just know this stuff?_

######

He gave Chuck a week to move past that night before trying to contact him. Luckily, Chuck's birthday was a week later and that gave Cas just the excuse that he needed to send him a text.

**To Chuck: Happy Birthday! Got any fun plans?**

The reply came only a minute later.

**From Chuck: Thanks. :) Not much. I'm trying to figure out what to do.**

He wasn't sure if this was an opening or not, but he decided to take the chance.

**To Chuck: Cool. I hope you have a great day. If you'd like to hang out with me, I'd be happy to join you to celebrate.**

He sat his phone down and waited for the buzz that indicated a return reply. None came.

 _Maybe he had gotten distracted? Surely he'll reply._ An hour later, there was still no reply, and Cas accepted that he had been blown off with the help of four bottles of Modelo beer.

He called his best friend Charlie. He didn't want to be alone right now, and Charlie was the only person that he could talk to about this stuff. They had met in college. He had been in the relationship with a guy and she was dating a girl, which meant they didn't have to worry about sexual tension building up between them. Technically, they had kissed once, but it was for educational purposes only. Cas hadn't been comfortable kissing and wanted to learn and Charlie had never kissed a guy before. Have to try everything once, right?

"Yo, Bitch. What's up?" Charlie's voice poured through the phone on the second ring. Charlie was always chirpy. That was one thing Cas loved about her. Just hearing her voice made him feel a little bit better.  

Cas paused for a second before responding. "I'm giving up."

"Cas?! What's the matter? Are you drunk?" Charlie could obviously hear the despair (and the alcohol) in Cas's voice.

"I gave him one more chance, but it's clear that I'm being blown off. And I found a liquor store. And I drank it." Cas slurred out the word. He had never been very good at holding his alcohol.

"You mean Chuck? He's an ass and you deserve better. It's good to give up on him. Forget about that loser. You'll find someone better soon."

"But I just don't know how much more I can take of this. This town reminds me of Meg. This job makes me want to die of boredom. You were the only good thing about this town and you had to go and move all the way to Kansas City. That's so far away!"

"If you hate it so much, why are you staying?" Charlie always did have the voice of reason when his mind was going a million miles a minute down a dead-end road.

Cas stopped at that question and thought for a moment. There was absolutely no reason for him to be here. He felt like he had to for work, but he didn't. Not really. He was gone so much anyway.

"Charlie, I want to go home."

 


	2. Finding Freedom

St. Louis, Missouri had been Castiel's home from birth until he went off to college eight years ago. His parents still lived there, and even though he'd not lived there in quite a while, it was still home. He had chosen the University of Kansas because of its distance from St. Louis. Close enough to visit easily but far enough away that his parents wouldn't drop in on him.

He didn't know where he'd live once he got back there. All he knew was that he had to go back. After a call to his parents, they decided that he'd stay with them at first while he shopped around for his own apartment. He really was going home.

His job ended up being nothing to worry about. Benny, his boss, had seemed scared when Cas had asked for a meeting with him. He had probably assumed that Cas was quitting.

"I'm moving to St. Louis," Cas said immediately upon sitting in the chair across from Benny.

"You're moving? Does that mean..." Benny said warily (or as warily as he could sound with his strong Cajun accent).

"I'd like to stay with the company but work remotely. I travel so much anyway. It wouldn't change that much. I'd just see you less."

"So you're not quitting?"

"No."

Benny let out a sigh of relief. "Cas. Brother. You are one of our best creatives. We need you. If that means we have to put up with you working from home, so be it. How about this. Spend four days out of every month in the office. I don't care how you space that out, but four days a month should be enough to cover any needed face-to-face time with the team. Beyond that, work from wherever you want."

Castiel had expected more of a fight from Benny so four days seemed like a great deal. "That seems reasonable. Thank you, Benny. This move is important to me so I really appreciate you being flexible."

"No problem at all."

######

The next few months passed quickly for Castiel. He took advantage of the time between having a home in Lawrence and having a home in St. Louis to do some traveling. He had not realized the weight that Lawrence was putting on his shoulders until the day that he drove away with everything he owned packed tightly into his Lincoln Continental.

But once he made it to St. Louis, he felt free for the first time since Meg broke up with him. He no longer had to try to avoid parts of town that triggered bad memories. He no longer had to try to predict where Meg might be so he didn't accidentally run into her. The one time he had had sent him spiraling into a new wave of depression right when he was finally coming out of his last one.

But St. Louis was freedom. The rest of the USA was freedom. He had always wanted to visit the Pacific Northwest, so he did just that. Between business trips, he flew to places like Portland, Seattle, and even a trip down to Los Angeles. The freedom was healing. He swore that he'd never go back to Lawrence for anything but business, and he decided that he wanted to leave that, as well.

He was good at his job, but it was unsatisfying. Traveling had highlighted just how bored he was with the work. He was ready to move on to something more meaningful. He had four months left before his retirement account and company stock options vet, so he decided to set a week after that as his quit date. He would survive the next four months while looking for something new to bring in income. But it would not be in Lawrence!

His first trip back had been uneventful. He had a hotel room and had pretty much stayed either there or at the office. But on his second trip back, he found himself getting a bit stir crazy staying in his small hotel room. On a whim, he decided to go out. There was a bar called The Roadhouse near work that he knew Meg hated and that Chuck hadn't seemed interested in, so he didn't have to worry about running into either of them. And it was never very crowded so he didn't have to worry too much about dealing with people. He'd go, order a beer, and read.

"I'll have a Modelo," he told the bartender, after getting her attention.

"Sure. Want to open a tab?" She asked while reaching for the drink in the fridge.

"Yeah. I'll probably have another one. Thanks." He nodded to the bartender as she handed him his beer. Then he returned to his seat and took out the book that he had brought with him, _Cat's Cradle_ by Kurt Vonnegut. He had just settled in when he was suddenly interrupted.

" _Cat's Cradle_! That's a great book." The man who spoke to him suddenly sat down at Cas's table. "I've read most of Vonnegut's books. Do you prefer _Cat's Cradle_ Vonnegut or _Slaughterhouse Five_ Vonnegut?"

Cas looked at the man dumbfounded. _I'm here to read, not interact with random drunk guys, even if he is quite attractive_... "Um...I...what?"

The man took another swig from his glass, which looked like it contained something a little harder than beer. "Well, Vonnegut writes differently in the two stories. Have you read _Slaughterhouse Five_?"

"Um...it's been awhile. I just picked this book up at Half Price Books yesterday sort of at random."

"Ah. Well you see..." The man proceeded to explain the subtleties of the two books and all Cas could do was nod and say "Okay" every now and then. The man's words got more slurred and more emphatic as he continued to talk and drink.

Despite the randomness of this conversation, Cas became absorbed by it. This man obviously liked Vonnegut, but didn't talk like an academic. He just seemed authentically passionate about the books. He soon found himself more able to contribute as the conversation turned to other books that they enjoyed.

"I personally love the _Hyperion_ and _Endymion_ series by Dan Simmons. I like sci-fi, especially when there is a down-to-earth messiah in them. Always have enjoyed the spiritual books," Cas offered.

"Hum... Don't think I've read that series. I'll check it out." Then the man paused and got a confused look on his face. "I'm Dean, by the way. I think we’ve been talking for a while without ever actually introducing ourselves. Hope I'm not disturbing you. I did just kind of plop myself down here."

Cas smiled and laughed. "True. We didn't. I'm Castiel, although most people just call me Cas. And don't worry. I'm enjoying this conversation even if it was a bit unexpected."

"Good. Nice to meet you Cas. Do you come here often?"

"No. I haven't been here in awhile. I moved away from Lawrence two months ago, and I'm back for a couple of days for work."

"Oh. Where do you live now?" Dean asked curiously.

"Technically, St. Louis, but I've been traveling almost constantly for the last two months. I'm about ready to get an apartment for awhile again, though."

"Shame. I'd like to talk to you again sometime." Dean shrugged as he finished off his drink.

Cas realized that he, too, would like to talk to Dean again, despite not actually knowing him. He wasn't the type of person to meet people in bars. But Dean, while fitting in nicely with the bar going crowd, seemed to have at least a reasonable amount of intelligence.

"You know, that would be nice. Here is my card. Maybe we can have lunch sometime. I'm leaving in the morning but I'll be back on the 27th for a couple of days."

Dean took the card and put it in his shirt pocket. "Sure. I'll give you a call."

They continued to talk for a little while before Cas finally realized that it was close to midnight and he was suppose to wake up at 6:30 a.m. to get to work for a meeting before leaving to drive back to St. Louis.

"It's late, and I have to go to sleep. Thanks for the great and unexpected evening." He got up and held his hand out to Dean. Dean stood and returned the gesture.

"Welcome. It's been fun, Cas. See you around again."

Cas went and paid his tab (which only had the single beer since he was too absorbed in his conversation with Dean to order more) and headed back to the hotel.

######

The next day, Cas couldn't get his mind off the mysterious stranger that had randomly chosen his table to sit down and talk about Vonnegut. There was something oddly attractive about him. Dean was very physically attractive. No doubt about that. But it was more than that. He was not only hot, but also intelligent, with a down-to-earth vibe.

But the thing that Cas had found the most interesting about the whole experience was the complete lack of awkwardness during that whole conversation. Dean hadn't seemed to notice or care that Cas seemed unsure of the conversation at first, and then once he was sure about it, it just flowed. The only other person that ever happened with was Charlie.

He had sent a text to Charlie when he got to work the next morning.

**To Charlie: Random guy sat down at my table last night. Random but good conversation ensued.**

**From Charlie: So, was he cute?**

Cas grinned at the response. Leave it to Charlie to think of the important things.

**To Charlie: Very. :)**

**From Charlie: Sweet!**

He told Charlie all about the night and how he had given Dean his phone number with the promise of meeting up for lunch sometime. By the time he left for his drive back to St. Louis, he was feeling better than he had felt in a long time. It was almost like he was flying.

"Cas. This is great! I haven't heard you this happy in a long time," Charlie commented to him as they chatted later that day once Cas had arrived back in St. Louis. "But I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't warn you to take this slowly. Don't get your hopes worked up over some random drunk guy you met in a bar."

Cas knew that she was right. _I should take this slow. I really should._

But he really looked forward to talking to Dean again. 

#####

As the weeks passed, Cas stopped thinking about the random stranger that he had met in the bar. He went back to working on finding a new career path for himself, preferably one that didn't involve working in an office.

Traveling so much over the previous few months had highlighted to him his own internal desire to travel more and experience more of the world. But the only thing that he knew was corporate advertising. He wasn't like Charlie who could program and therefore get a job anywhere she wanted for whatever she wanted to be paid. (She was really good at programming and also really good at playing hard to get, playing any potential employers against each other in order to negotiate the best deal for herself.) Corporations hired ad agencies, not individuals.

Every once in awhile, he would pick up his phone to check for messages, but there were never any from anyone other than Charlie. Chuck never called. Dean never called.

Cas began to wonder if he had dreamed the night with Dean. _Had he actually been there? Did he feel a connection too? If he had, wouldn't he have called by now._

The more time went on, the more Cas began to convince himself that he'd never call. Why would anyone want to talk to me? He was so awkward at being social that it couldn't be that pleasant for the other party. Dean must not have had the same experience as Cas that night.

By the time his next trip rolled around, Cas was dreading it. He had added one more person to avoid in Lawrence and one more bar that he'd never step foot in again. He'd just hole up in his hotel room again and watch _Revolution_ on Netflix. Anything to stop thinking about his crappy social life.

He had worked himself into such a depression that he was surprised to hear his phone ring a couple hours after getting into Lawrence. _Who could that be? I just talk to Charlie an hour ago._

He looked at his phone and didn't recognize the number, but noted that it was local to Lawrence. "Hello?"

"Cas! Are you back in town?" Cas instantly recognized Dean's voice on the other end of the line and his heart did a little jump-skip thing at the same time his stomach bottomed out.

"Dean? Hi! But I thought..." He stopped himself before admitting that he hadn't expected Dean to call. Ever. "Yes. I just got into town a couple of hours ago."

"Great. You mentioned at the bar that you were coming back to town today. How was the drive?"

"It was fine, other than almost hitting a deer." He was used to seeing deer on the drive, but usually they stayed far enough away and didn't run in front of him. This time, one of them had tried to be stupid and almost made Cas's car go off the road, but he had narrowly avoided it.

"Those deer can be annoying! I used to see deer a lot when my dad would take me and Sammy hunting when we were little, before..." Dean stopped suddenly like he had just realized that the conversation was going off track. "Well, what are you doing for dinner?"

_Sammy? Who is Sammy?_ Cas made a mental note to ask that later in the conversation. "Nothing. I was just watching some TV. Didn't have plans."

"Great. Come meet me at The Roadhouse and we can go somewhere."

"Sure. I can be there in twenty minutes."

"Awesome. See you when you get here." They said goodbye and hung up.

Despite needing to get up and get ready, Cas sat there staring at his phone for a good minute after the conversation ended. Dean hadn't forgotten about him. Dean had invited him somewhere. Dean wanted to see him again.

_Wait. Is this a date?_


	3. Awesome Sauce

 

It took Cas twenty-five minutes from the end of their conversation to pull into the parking lot of the Roadhouse. Cas hated those extra five minutes and hoped Dean wasn't getting tired of waiting for him. But there had been a wreck on the feeder road, and he had gotten stuck in the traffic.

He rushed into the bar to find Dean talking to a pretty blond woman at the bar. He seemed really absorbed in the conversation and was leaning in towards her. Cas's heart sank. _Just my luck. I'm five minutes late and he found someone new to flirt with._

At that exact moment, Dean looked up and saw Cas standing there. He smiled and waved Cas over.

"Cas, this is my good friend Jo. Her mom owns this place. Jo, this is my new friend Cas that I met here about a month ago." Jo turned and held out a hand to Cas.

Cas took it and shook her hand, probably a little too hard. "Hi. I'm Cas."

Jo just smiled. "Nice to meet you Cas. Dean here tells me you like Vonnegut, too."

Cas nodded, but doesn't say anything.

Dean must have sensed that he was not sure how to respond because he piped up, "He's at least read _Cat's Cradle_." Dean patted Cas on the shoulder and got up. "Well, we better be going. I promised Cas here that he'd get to eat at some point tonight."

"You guys have a good time," Jo told them, and Dean leaned and kissed her on the cheek.

"We will. Later sis."

Dean turned and directed Cas towards the door. "So, what are you in the mood for?"

Cas didn't answer immediately and instead looked puzzled. "Was that your sister?"

Dean laughed. "No. Ellen, Jo's mom, is a good friend of my father. Jo and I grew up together so I call her sis. But technically we aren't related."

"Ah." Cas nodded. "So about dinner. I'm up for whatever. Except Mexican food. I'm not a big fan of Mexican food."

In truth, Cas was really picky about food, but he had learned a long time ago that people don't like it when he's picky about places to eat so he tried to just go with the flow and find something basic to eat. He could usually do this at any place other than the Mexican restaurants where there was nothing "plain" on the menu.

Dean smiled. "In that case, I'll take you to my favorite 50's diner. It's only a block from here so we can walk. They have amazing burgers."

A diner. Cas could work with a diner. They usually have a wide variety of food to choose from. "Sounds great."

######

The waitress seated them and handed them each an overly large menu and said, "Take y'all's time now. I'll be back with your drinks in a jiffy." She skipped off towards the kitchen, presumably to get those drinks.

Cas looked over the menu and picked out his meal. Dean never even opened his menu.

"I already know what I want," Dean clarified when he noticed Cas looking at the menu sitting on the table in front of him. "I come here a lot. Best burgers in town."

Cas set his menu down. "I'm ready, too."

Dean looked around, but their waitress was nowhere to be seen. He turned his attention back to Cas. "So, last time we talked, we didn't get much into our personal lives. What do you do? I noticed that your card was for an ad agency."

"Yep. I think up ads for new clients. They call me a creative.” He made air quotes with his hands when he said “creative”.

“I'm the one who has to be creative and generate ideas and such. It's actually a lot more boring than it sounds. What about you?"

Dean shrugged. "Oh, a little of this and a little of that. Whatever pays rent. I sometimes work at a local mechanic shop. I sometimes bartend at The Roadhouse. Occasionally, I'll even hustle pool."

"Hustle pool? That's impressive." Cas raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yeah. Growing up I had to take care of my little brother a lot. Anytime he needed something, I had to figure out ways to pay for it. I learned to be creative in my money making. On the upside, I'm not tied down anywhere. I choose to live in Lawrence because I was born here. I don't have to. If I wanted to, I could live anywhere."

 _Ooh. Impressive!_ "That sounds freeing. Ever since I got a little taste for freedom, I'm beginning to find my job less and less fulfilling. I'd love to live like that."

Dean contemplated that for a moment before responding, "It's not all that it's cracked up to be."

Cas wanted to ask Dean more about that, but the waitress interrupted them to take their orders.

Dean jumped in first. "Burger with everything."

The waitress smiled like she knew he was going to order that. "One usual," she said as she wrote a note on her pad before looking to Cas for his order.

Cas smiled at this. _Of course he has a usual order._

"I'll have a bowl of oatmeal and a side of bacon please," Cas stated as he handed his menu to the waitress.

"Sure thing darling." She wrote down Cas's order. "That will be out in a jiffy."

Cas then noticed that Dean was giving him a strange look. _Oh God. Did I do something wrong?_ "What?"

"Oatmeal and bacon. Really? Do you not eat real food?" Dean smiled at him warmly.

Cas blushed and looked down, ashamed. _How am I going to explain my battle with food to someone who is almost a stranger?_ "I'm pretty particular about my food."

Dean didn't seem to care. He just shrugged and said, "I see. Well, you should at least try a bit of burger. This place is fabulous."

Cas was unsure about that. He didn't not like burgers. He just had to make sure they were well-cooked. Usually it wasn't worth ordering one. Plus, he really liked oatmeal. "We'll see."

The rest of the conversation centered around getting to know each other even more. The more they talked the more Cas relaxed and opened up to Dean. It felt good. Here he was sitting across from a really hot guy who lived a seemingly awesome life who actually seemed to think he wasn't a socially awkward freak. Or maybe he did, but he just didn't care. Whichever was the case, Cas was enjoying himself.

He did end up taking a bite of Dean's burger, and Dean was right. The burgers here were pretty good. Of course, if he ordered one for himself, he'd have to ask for it plain and a bit more well-done, but overall, his bite was enjoyable.

As they were walking out, Dean held the door open for a group of girls and his eyes seemed to follow their rears through the door. Cas noticed the looks and felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach.

The expression must have been clear on his face because when Dean looked up, he said with a devious smile, "What? Those girls are hot! You can't fault me for looking. Don't you think so?"

Cas realized in that instant that maybe he was reading the situation wrong. Maybe Dean wasn't into guys. Maybe this wasn't anything close to the date that he felt like it was. Maybe Dean was only here to be friends with the strange nerd he met at his local bar. _It's not like Dean called me at all this month._

The previous pang of jealousy twisted into a knot as he let himself ponder this train of thought. He was so bad at social situations that maybe he had just been plain wrong.

"Cas, you okay buddy?" Dean's words jerked Cas out of the cloud of thought surrounding him.

"What? Oh. Yeah. I'm fine. Just got distracted for a moment. It's been a long day."

"No worries. I better get you back to your car. Don't want to keep you up too late if you have work in the morning."

And with that, they walked back to The Roadhouse and said goodnight. The rest of the evening, Cas was filled with a mix of euphoria from such a great evening and anxiety over the fact that Dean might not have felt the same way about it.

######

The rest of his four days in Lawrence passed uneventfully. Dean had texted once to say that he enjoyed talking over dinner, but didn't invite him out for anything else. Cas was doing everything in his power to push the incident out of his mind. _So what if it was a great evening? It doesn't matter if Dean doesn't want to see me anymore._

On a whim, Cas went to The Roadhouse on his last night in town just to see if he would casually run into Dean, but he didn't seem to be there.

"Oh, you're Dean's friend!" An excited female voice startled him as he was sitting in a booth enjoying his beer with his nose stuck in a book. He looked up to find Jo standing by his table.

Cas smiled up at Jo. "Yeah. But I'm here by myself tonight. Haven't seen Dean in a couple days."

"Yeah. Me neither. Probably got himself a job somewhere. That boy gets money almost anyway he can. Either that or he's gotten himself a girl for the weekend. He does that occasionally, as well." Jo shrugged as she tried to contemplate other possibilities. "Any who, nice seeing you." She waved as she returned to her previous task of cleaning tables.

 _Got himself a girl for the weekend? What kind of guy is this?_ Once again, here was evidence that Dean was definitely not gay and except for the fact that Dean took him to dinner, he really had no evidence that he was even bi. Cas sighed and wondered if this crush he was forming for the man would end up going unrequited. Or worse, make things awkward once Dean found out...and they always seem to find out.


	4. Here We Go Again

"Stop by Kansas City on your way to Lawrence this time! I haven't seen you in a month of Sundays. I want my Cas hug!" Charlie pleaded to Cas over the phone.

It had been a month since he had last been to Lawrence and he was preparing for his next trip. Cas had not heard from Dean since his last trip, but he had become more okay with that fact. It was pretty obvious that Dean didn't see him the same way that he saw Dean, so best to not let the crush grow any bigger than it already was. _It's crazy for me to have a crush on someone I've only met twice, anyway._

Charlie had been encouraging him to come visit for some time and was pretty much on the way, so why not.

"Sure. I'll stop by on my way in. Although technically, isn't a month of Sundays actually like 7 months? I'm pretty sure we saw each other less than 7 months ago." He could hear Charlie grinning on the other end of the phone even as she rolled her eyes at his strange logic which she deftly chose to ignore.

"Yay!! Oh and about Dean, I'll help you cheer up when you get here."

Oh great. What did Charlie have planned?

######

The plan ended up being a packed suitcase.

"Um, Charlie... Where are you going with that?" Cas asked when he walked into Charlie's apartment and saw her bags sitting by the door.

"With you, silly." Charlie grinned. "I got some time off and I'm inviting myself to Lawrence for the week."

Cas laughed and rolled his eyes, but secretly he was thrilled. It had been awhile since he had spent a lot of quality time with his best friend and welcomed any distraction from his little crush.

"Fine. You can come with me," he fake moaned, which Charlie could see right through. They both were going to enjoy this trip.

######

They weren't in their hotel room for two minutes before Charlie said, "Let's go to The Roadhouse."

"What?! I thought you were supposed to distract me from Dean. Not take me to the one place he'd likely be. I wasn't planning on going there this trip!"

Charlie rolled her eyes at him. "I need to meet this bitch that is causing my Cas to need distracting. Know your enemy, right?"

Cas laughed. "Okay. Fine. He might not even be there anyway."

He was there. Cas saw him immediately as he walked through the door talking to a couple of girls at the bar. _Great. Just my luck._ He tried to ignore the little flip-flops his stomach did when he saw him.

He led Charlie to one of the booths and sat down. "He is here. Over there by the bar. Talking to some girls."

"Well technically, you’re talking to a girl too, you know." Charlie winked at him.

"Yeah. I guess you are right. Although you aren't looking at me like that." Cas motioned towards the bar where one of the girls was leaning towards Dean as she ate up every word he was saying.

"Okay buzzkill. I'm going to order us some drinks. You wait here." She got up and headed towards the other end of the bar from where Dean was standing.

Cas sat there staring off into space trying really hard not to look in Dean's direction. He was doing such a good job, in fact, that he didn't notice Dean approach his booth.

"Well, look who rolled into town! How have you been?"

Cas must have jumped three feet in the air at the sound of Dean's voice. "Hi." His voice squeaked a little as he said it.

"Oh! Sorry to startle you. You just looked lonely sitting over here by yourself." Dean placed his hand on Cas's shoulder as he said it.

"Don't worry. I was just lost in thought."

"Well, you seem to be drinkless. Can I get you a drink?" Dean removed his hand from Cas's shoulder and motioned towards the bar.

"Well, actually..." Cas glanced around and did a double take when he saw Charlie sitting with the girls that Dean had been talking to with her hand resting casually on one of the girl's butts. Leave it to Charlie...

He turned back to Dean. "You know, sure. I'd love a drink. Surprise me."

Dean grinned at the request and headed to the bar.

Cas remembered how he had displayed firsthand how picky he can be. Cas had been trying to act casually for Dean, but knew he was at risk of not liking the beverage the Dean picked out for him. _Oh, I'll just drink it anyway._

Dean returned with a glass with a bit of reddish brown liquid in the bottom of it and placed it in front of Cas as he sat down across from him.

Cas timidly picked up the glass and sipped it. His taste buds were met with a very intense surge of cinnamon. Cas coughed from the unexpected burning in his mouth but decided that it wasn't entirely unpleasant. He took another sip. In fact, it was really good.

Dean must have been following Cas's train of thought through his facial expressions because he laughed when Cas realized that he liked the drink. "It's called Fireball. As whiskeys go, it's one of the more popular ones."

"I like it!" Cas took another sip of the drink.

Dean smiled. "Good. So how long are you in town for?"

"Four days. And I'm actually here with my friend Charlie, but don't worry. She seems to have found herself someone to occupy her attention for a while." He motions over to where Charlie was sitting with the girls.  

"I take it she isn't your girlfriend." Dean grinned, looking at Charlie flirt. "And Bela seems to be enjoying the company."

Cas looked at the girl who Charlie was clearly flirting with. That must be Bela.

"Is Bela a friend of yours?" He asked Dean innocently.

"Yeah. I see her around here from time to time. We hooked up once, but she isn't really my type. And I always wondered if I wasn't hers either," Dean said, nodding towards Bela and Charlie.

Cas was relieved that Bela wasn't in the running for Dean's attention, then he reminded himself that he didn't actually know if Dean went for other guys or not. But he wasn't about to ask to find out. He decided to change the topic to something a little less awkward.

"How has your work been going?"

Dean shrugged. "Pretty good. I'm actually helping a friend of my family start an auto repair shop. He owns a salvage company and wants to expand to restoring and repairing cars as well. It's been pretty interesting. And it will let me fix up more cars to be as awesome as Baby."

"Baby?"

"That's what I call my car. She's a '67 Chevy Impala. Used to be my dad's car until he finally admitted that he'd better give her to me before he wrecked her." Dean sat back looking proud. "I had to fix her up myself and now she runs like new."

Cas, who never was good at doing anything with his hands, was once again impressed by Dean's work. "That's really neat, Dean."

Dean shrugged. "Not really. Not nearly as awesome as coming up with advertisements for a living. I could never do something like that. You must be a genius."

The complement made Cas blush. "Well, I think you are a genius for being able to work on cars. I couldn't fix my car if my life depended on it."

With the return complement, Dean's face got serious and he stared at Cas with a perplexed look for a moment before giving a short laugh and replying, "Well, I don't know about that."

Dean looked down at his drink and then back up at Cas. He still had the look of perplexity, but Cas noticed that there was a gleam in his eye. _Was that a look of affection?_ Cas wasn't good at recognizing facial expressions, but he would have bet on it if given the chance. Seeing the look on Dean's face made Cas blush again.

And then the moment was over when Charlie rejoined the table, sliding in next to Cas. "Yo bitches." She turns to Dean. "So, you must be the guy Cas told me about. I'm Charlie."

She held out her hand and Dean shook it. "Hi. I'm Dean."

Cas was silently praying that she wouldn't say anything embarrassing. "You have a good handshake. I approve." She turned to Cas and nodded.

Cas picked up the introduction. "Charlie and I were friends in college. She lives in Kansas City now and works at a computer security company. She's the real genius. We don't get to see much of each other anymore so she decided to join me for my trip here."

Dean looked at Charlie and said, "Well, it's nice to meet you Charlie."

"Great to meet you, too." She paused, as if contemplating something for a second. "You know, Cas and I are planning to go play laser tag tomorrow. You want to join us?"

Cas was as surprised by this question as much as Dean was. "We are?"

"Yes. We are. So Dean, you want to come?"

Cas stomach was once again in knots. _Will Dean say yes? What if he says no? What if he thinks Charlie is too forward and doesn't want to hang out with us anymore? What if...?_

Dean looked disappointed. "Oh that sounds fun. I would, but I actually have plans already. Raincheck?"

Cas's heart sank into his stomach with disappointment, but also with a bit of relief. At least he wouldn't have to worry about making a fool of himself with his craptastic laser tag ability.

"Ah. Too bad. Well, we will be at Jaegerz Laser Tag in case you change your mind. Planning to be there around six."

"Thanks for letting me know. Wish I could," Dean said. Cas couldn’t decide if that was real or just polite disappointment in his voice.

They talked for a bit longer until Charlie decided it was time to go. "I better get Cas to bed or he'll be a grump in the morning." This made Cas blush.

"Well, we wouldn't want that, now would we," Dean returned, making Cas blush even more.

They said their goodbyes, and Charlie and Cas headed back to their hotel room. Charlie got ready and climbed into bed.

"He seems nice. Now I see what you are talking about. But don't worry. He totally likes you."

Cas looked encouraged. "You think so?"

"Oh, yeah. I've been around guys enough to know that this one is definitely into you. Now get ready and go to bed. We need to be rested for laser tag tomorrow night."


	5. Best Weekend Ever

Charlie had always been good at planning and sticking to her plans. They pulled into the lot of the laser tag place at 5:57pm.

Cas did a quick scan around the parking lot looking for an Impala, but all he saw were new cars. They made his Continental look old. Charlie saw the disappointment on Cas's face.

"He said he wasn't going to make it, you know. So he probably isn't going to be here. Don't get your hopes up too high."

"I know. But I can hope, can't I?"

"Hope all you want, but don't let it distract you from avoiding my laser or I'm going to kick your ass in this game." She smiled at him mischievously.

Cas gave her a determined look. "Never! Let's go play."

Their first round had Cas ahead of Charlie by three shots. They walked out of the ready room to prepare for their next match when Cas looked up and was taken aback to find Dean standing there looking at him.

"Dean!" He said almost a little too enthusiastically. "I didn't think you could make it."

"My plans fell through so I thought I'd come join you. Sorry that I'm running a little late. You still want me here, right?"

Charlie butted into the conversation. "Of course we do. Welcome. Come get your ass kicked."

Dean laughed. "We'll see about that."

Charlie did, in fact, kick both their butts in the next round although Dean wasn't a shabby player. Cas was too distracted watching Dean to play decently.

"My brother and I used to do this for fun sometimes growing up. He loved it. I'd save up for weeks to take him to laser tag."

"How old is your brother compared to you?" Cas asked.

"He is four years younger than me. Our dad would leave me in charge of him a lot growing up. We are really close because of it. He lives in California now, going to Stanford."

"That's far. You must miss him a lot." Cas was the baby of his family and knew what it's like to be away from his family.

Dean looked contemplative for a moment. "I do. I really do. But he's super smart and getting his degree, so more power to him. Plus, he's on a bunch of scholarships so the whole thing costs only about five thousand a year."

"Wow. That's impressive. My family had to pay all of my college bill out-of-pocket."

"I got a soccer scholarship." Charlie added. Cas rolled his eyes while Dean looked impressed. Charlie continued, "Okay, fine," she said, nudging Cas with her elbow. "KU recruited me to program for their robot dog soccer team."

Cas looked at Dean. "I told you she was smart." Dean just laughed, but looked impressed nonetheless.

They played three more rounds of laser tag before deciding to go get coffee at the local coffeehouse next to the laser tag center. This led to more conversation before finally calling it a night and heading their separate ways.

Cas was very excited on their way back to the hotel.

"He changed his plans to come hang out with us! He must like me. He must!" Cas half spoke and half screamed to Charlie once they left the parking lot.

Charlie just laughed. "Told you."

######

The next day, Cas was walking on air. Dean liked him. He was sure of it. Dean thought he was awesome. Nothing could bring down his high.

He even sent a quick text to Dean saying, "Thanks for coming last night. I had a good time."

It took about 20 minutes, but soon Dean replied, "Me too."

Of course, those 20 minutes had caused Cas's nerves  to go haywire. He had flashbacks to texting Chuck on his birthday and never getting a reply. _What if Dean never texted back?_

But he had nothing to worry about because the replay soon came in. Cas gave a big sigh of relief and smiled. Dean had texted him back.

He didn't know exactly how Dean had come into his life, but he had and at just the right time. Charlie made fun of him (jokingly, of course) for his belief that the universe always provides, but this was good evidence for it. He needed someone new in his life, and Dean was filling that role nicely.

Charlie had argued that if the universe always provides then how come he had been hurt in the past?

"Because despite the pain, I did learn a lot from those experiences. Meg made me grow up. Chuck made me finally leave Lawrence and head off on my own. Looking back, they were kind of good for me."

"I'll remind you of that next time you come crying to me because someone broke your heart," Charlie teased.

He may be feeling this way because of his Dean-related good mood, but he really did feel like the universe knew what it was doing. Of course, he might not feel that way when he came down from the high.

######

On their fourth and final day in Lawrence, Charlie made plans with some of her other friends from college. She invited Cas to join, but he didn't fit in well with these particular friends. He decided that he'd go to The Roadhouse instead and see if he could catch Dean before leaving town.

Dean didn't disappoint. He was at the bar talking to Jo when Cas walked in. He looked over at Cas, smiled, and waved him over to join them.

"Hey Cas."

"Hello Dean."

Jo smiled at the two men. "I'm going to go get back to work. You guys enjoy yourselves." She nodded at Cas. "Good to see you again, Cas."

"Good to see you too, Jo."

Once Jo headed to the back, Dean and Cas fell right back into their comfortable conversation like it was the most normal thing in the world. _It probably is normal for Dean, but this is different for me._

Then Dean caught him completely off guard when he asked, "You want to go watch a movie?"

"Um... yeah. Sure. Where?" Cas stuttered.

"How about my house? I have a Netflix subscription, so I'm sure we can find something to watch."

 _Wait. Did he just ask if I wanted to go home with him?_ Cas tried to look relaxed and cool when he replied, "Sure. Sounds good."

They decided to take separate cars so that Dean wouldn't have to bring Cas back to The Roadhouse at the end of the evening. "I don't live too far from here. Just follow Baby." Then Dean turned to walk towards his own car while Cas got in his.

 _Oh my God!! I'm going home with Dean. This might actually happen!_ The feelings landed somewhere between excitement and uncertainty. He'd never been taken home from a bar before. _What if I mess up like I did with Chuck?_

By the time they arrived at Dean's house, Cas's stomach was nothing but nervous butterflies trying to escape. He was afraid that he'd end up getting sick and making a complete fool out of himself.

Dean lived in a small single-story house about ten minutes from The Roadhouse. This house looked like it was built in the 1940's and hadn't been updated since. But it seemed to be well-maintained nonetheless. It was a very normal looking house with tan siding and a dark brown roof.

Cas got out of his car and headed towards where Dean was standing by the front door. _Breathe Cas, breathe._

"Glad you didn't get lost on the way over. Welcome to my humble abode." He opened the door and let Cas walk into the house. The house was laid out such that when you first enter, you are immediately in the living room. Cas saw the kitchen off to his left and on the other side of the living room was a door and a hallway that led to another door which Cas assumed led to two bedrooms.

The first thing that struck Cas about the place was its color. Everything was brown or black. The chairs were brown. The couch was black. The hardwood matched the wooden table. It had a very pronounced bachelor pad vibe going on.

"Nice place," Cas said, looking at Dean.

"Thanks. It's not super pretty, but it works and that is what matters. Need anything to drink?"

"Water would be nice." Cas was nervous, and he tended to get thirsty when he was nervous.

"Sure. Coming right up. Make yourself at home. Feel free to start browsing for a movie. Just hit the Netflix button on the remote." Dean motioned to the couch and the remote sitting on it as he headed to the kitchen for drinks.

Cas picked up the remote and started browsing. By the time Dean returned, he had three movie options to choose from. "What are you in the mood for? I found a serious sci-fi, a funny sci-fi and a foreign movie."

Dean said, "I don't really care. Choose the one the looks best to you."

Cas thought for a moment. "Okay. _Inception_ it is."

"Ooh. That's a good one."

 _Crap. He's already seen it._ "Oh, if you've seen it, we can pick a different one."

"No. Let's watch it. I don't mind seeing it again. It’s rewatchable."

During the movie, Dean had his arm resting on the back of the couch. It wasn't really around Cas, but it was definitely close. Cas smiled at the thought of Dean working up the courage to put his arm fully around him. Of course, this was Dean he was thinking about. Dean didn't need courage. He was just suave naturally. So maybe he wasn't working in that direction.

Near the end of the movie, he felt a hand rub the back of his head and start playing with his hair. His heart jumped. Dean continued to do this even after the movie ended. They just sat like that for a few moments. Cas didn’t know what to do.

Then before Cas had a chance to work up any courage at all, Dean gets up and yawns. "It's been a long day and I'm going to crash. You are welcome to crash here if you'd like. That couch is actually really comfy."

 _The couch? Dean is inviting me to sleep on the couch?_ Cas tried hard to hide the confusion that he felt over this. Dean had invited him home from a bar. Dean had just been playing with his hair. _Didn't that mean something?_

Dean was still waiting on a response. "Cas?"

"Oh, um... I better get back to the hotel. Charlie will wonder where I am." He wanted to stay here with Dean, but he wasn't about to sleep on the couch alone only to have to wake up early and leave the next morning to make it to work. "But thanks for the offer."

Cas couldn't tell exactly, but he thought he saw a small hint of disappointment in Dean's expression, but he recovered too quickly to know for sure. "Alright. That makes sense. Well, I enjoyed hanging out tonight. Thanks for coming to watch the movie."

Dean walked Cas to the door and gave him a hug before  opening it. "Hope to see you next time you’re in town."

Cas smiled. "I'm sure you will."

######

Charlie drove the hour that it took to get from Lawrence to her apartment in Kansas City. Cas was in a funk.

"Yo, dipshit. He invited you over to see a movie. Just because it didn't go anywhere doesn't mean it won't."

Cas wasn't so sure about that. "You invite friends over to see movies. You don't let people you like sleep on the couch. Last night proves that he thinks of me as a friend and just a friend."

Despite not knowing Dean all that well yet, Cas was finding his own attachment to the man growing every time he saw him. There was just something about him. Of course, he was super hot. That helped a lot. But it was more than that. It was the way he made Cas feel comfortable to just be himself. Where most of the world saw a weird, socially awkward nerd, Dean seemed to see an amazing human being. Or at least that's how he made Cas feel when they were together.

Add that to the fact that Dean seemed to live a pretty awesome life himself, and Cas found himself wanting to be a part of that life; a real part.

Of course, he was pretty sure that the sex would be pretty awesome too...a fact that he often thought about while "showering". He wasn't going to tell Charlie about that one. Although, this was Charlie. She probably already knew.

Charlie wasn't giving up on trying to make him feel better. "What if he just chickened out? Maybe he invited you over with every intention of kissing you, but then lost the courage to do so. It's possible that maybe he isn't as experienced as you think. Or maybe he didn't think you wanted him to kiss you."

 _Well, that could make sense._ It wasn't like it was the first time that Cas gave the wrong signals to someone. "I was pretty shy last night." He couldn't help but think of how he felt himself freeze up when Dean touched his hair. He had been trying to figure out how to respond, but Dean had moved before he had decided. Charlie might have a point.

Maybe it has been his fault... Or maybe Dean just saw him as a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I case you were wondering, the three movies that Cas had picked out as options were Inception, My Name Is Khan, and Fifth Element.


	6. And It Begins...

His next trip down was going to be longer than normal. Benny had called him after they had landed their biggest client to date and wanted him to manage it.

"You're the best we have, brother. But you'll have to come to the office. The client is sending their advertising manager to our offices for two weeks. Thinks working in person will be more efficient."

The client was a small furniture chain from Texas that just got funding to start expanding nationwide. Lawrence Ads had been recommended to them by a customer of theirs.

Normally, Cas would complain about having to spend that much time back in Lawrence, but ever since he met Dean, Lawrence hadn't seemed like that bad of a place to be anymore.

"Sure. I'll do it. I don't mind." Cas was actually looking forward to the extended trip.

"Great! Thank you, brother!"

Cas wanted to share his good news with Dean so he sent him a text.

**To Dean: Coming back down on the 29th. I'll be in town a bit longer this time. Hope to see you around.**

The return text came back a couple minutes later. Of course, Cas hadn't done anything in those minutes except stare at his phone hopefully.

**From Dean: Boo. I’m going to St. Louis that week.**

Cas read the text and his heart sank. _Just my luck. We are trading cities._ Then his phone vibrated again letting him know that another text had come in.

**From Dean: Kidding! That’s great! Let me know when you get here.**

Reading Dean's follow up text made Cas beam with excitement. He was a bit annoyed with Dean’s joke since he had completely believed him, but he was relieved that Dean wanted to see him.

Cas had it big time for this guy, but his past made him cautious. He didn't want to go into this thinking that it would last, if anything even happened at all. _Everything happens for a reason._ If he and Dean weren't meant to be, so be it. He would accept that as the universe directing him to something better. _No hard feelings. I'm just going into this to have a good time. Right?_

######

Cas did as he was told and texted Dean immediately upon arriving in Lawrence. And to Cas, immediately was as soon as he crossed the Lawrence city limits, not once he made it to his hotel.

 **To Dean: I'm in town again.**  

It took all of a minute for his phone to start ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey Cas. Welcome back." There was a bit of looseness in his voice. Is Dean tipsy? "You want to come over and hang out?"

"Sure. I'm settling into my hotel. Can I come in about thirty minutes?" Cas lied. He didn't want Dean to think he was desperate or anything.

"That sounds great. You know where I live."

Cas quickly stopped by the hotel and dumped off his bag. No time to settle in. He just made sure that he looked presentable and ran out the door again.

Cas was a nervous wreck on his drive over to Dean's house. There were butterflies in his stomach that felt like they were trying to rip their way out. But all-in-all, he was super excited.

When he got there, he timidly knocked on the door. He waited a moment and saw movement from behind the frosted glass, and then Dean answered the door.

"Hi!" Dean exclaimed as he opened the door. "Welcome back to town."

Dean made a wild gesture with his hand which was unfortunately holding his cell phone. In the process, the phone came flying out of his hand and across the porch.

Cas made an attempt to catch it but failed miserably. He looked at Dean puzzled for a moment, and asked, "You're drunk, aren't you?"

"Maybe a bit tipsy," Dean admitted cautiously. "I might've started a little early. Just doing some reading and felt like grabbing a beer. Then the beer ran out and I might have grabbed another one. But enough about me, come in."

Cas entered the house, which looked cleaner than last time he had seen it.

"You cleaned up around here."

"Well, I wanted it to look good. Plus, I had a lot of extra energy and needed something to do," Dean admitted. He almost looked shy, which is not how Cas was used to him looking.

He wondered quickly if something was bothering his friend, but Dean didn't look particularly unhappy. Something seemed to have gotten him to start drinking this early in the day. Cas wasn't sure that he fully believed the "I was reading" story.

"So Cas, would you like a drink?” Dean asked. “Or maybe we should just go eat dinner. I'm hungry."

Cas chuckled at the enthusiasm that Dean was showing. "I'm hungry as well, but I'm driving."

They decided to go out for burgers. Tipsy Dean didn't make much of a fool of himself especially considering the fact that he fit in nicely at the diner. There were other people that were starting a bit early, too.

Cas was surprised that Dean seem to be acting very considerate around him. Dean opened the door for him at the diner. Dean even opened the door of the car for him which was particularly awkward considering that Cas was getting in the driver’s side. Of course, Cas wasn't complaining. The more Dean did it, the more Cas was enjoying it.

After dinner, they headed back to Dean's house. This time, Cas accepted the drink offer that Dean had given him earlier. Dean headed into the kitchen and came back with a brown bubbling liquid and handed it to Cas.

"I think you'll like this." Dean said.

Cas looked at the drink with uncertainty but decided to take a sip. He was surprised to find that the drink he was holding seem to be Dr. Pepper with a little extra something cinnamony added to it.

"This is that Fireball stuff, isn't it?"

Dean beamed. "Yep. You liked it last time. I hope you like it mixed with Dr. Pepper."

"I do, as it turns out."

Cas continued to sip his drink as they headed to the couch to sit down.

"So Cas, want to watch something?" Dean asked cautiously.

If Cas didn't know any better, he would've sworn that Dean was acting nervous. But surely not, Dean didn't seem like the nervous type. Cas was the nervous one between them.

"Sure, what do you want to watch?" Cas replied.

Dean turned on the TV and went to Netflix. They spent the next twenty minutes going through every movie they could find on Netflix and not agreeing on anything. Not because either were being particularly disagreeable, but because they were both disappointed in the selection of movies found on Netflix. In the end, it was Cas that pointed out the _Hot and Fluffy_ movie, which Dean had not seen.

Cas wasn't typically the type who wanted to watch stand up comedy, but this movie was his one exception. He had seen it probably about four times. When Dean admitted to never seeing it before, Cas insisted that would be what they watched.

Before the movie started, Dean refilled both of their drinks. It looked like both of them were going to get a little drunk tonight. Of course, Cas didn't mind. The alcohol would make him more comfortable given the situation.

And that is, in fact, what the alcohol did. By the end of the movie, Cas was sprawled out on the couch with his head on Dean's lap. This was a position he never would've gotten in had he been completely sober. It's not like the two of them were dating. Yet.

At the end of the movie, they sat there in silence for a little while. Cas really didn't know what to do. Despite the fact that Cas was drunk, if anything was going to happen, Dean was going to have to make the first move. Then Dean wiggled out from beneath Cas and stood up.

"So, um. You're welcome to sleep here tonight. My, um, couch is pretty comfortable," Dean said timidly.

At the word “couch”, Cas's heart sank to his stomach. There it was again; the sign that they were just friends.

"Um. OK." Cas said while staring off into space not sure what to do next.

Dean left the room and returned with a sheet and a pillow. Cas was still staring off into space not sure what to do. They had had such a good time tonight, and he really didn't want to sleep on the couch. They had practically been flirting with each other all evening. But that's where he'd sleep if that's where Dean wanted him to sleep. He took the sheet from Dean and started to put it on the couch. Dean sat down next to him.

Dean reached up timidly and put his hand on Cas's side. And his hand was perfectly placed to be right on Cas's most ticklish point. Cas instinctively pulled away and giggled.

"Are you ticklish?" Dean asked, amused.

Cas didn’t answer, but crossed his arms and pouted determinedly, another behavior he wouldn’t have done if not drunk.

Dean laughed. "You are."

Dean reached over and started tickling Cas. Cas tried everything to get away from Dean and his tickling. Finally, he grabbed both of Dean's hands, pulled them close, and rolled over. If he had been more sober, he probably would've realized what he was doing. But he wasn't. The act of grabbing Dean's hands and rolling over also pulled Dean along with him.

The next thing either of them knew, Dean was lying on top of Cas. There was a pause as both men stared at each other for a second. Then something broke between them, and suddenly one mouth was on the other and they were kissing passionately.

Cas's hands came up and snaked through Dean's hair. Then they started to roam along Dean's back. All the while, the kisses became more passionate.

This was the moment that Cas had been fantasizing about. Dean sitting on top of him kissing him; wanting him.

Suddenly Dean sat up and removed himself from on top of Cas. He held out his hand and smiled. "Bedroom."

Cas took his hand and let himself be led to the bedroom.

From there, Dean took control. He gently pushed Cas back so that he was lying on the bed. Then he leaned down over him and started kissing him. Dean grabbed Cas's shirt and gently pulled it over his head. Then he did the same to his own shirt.

"Don't need those, do we?" Dean whispered with a twinkle in his eyes.

Once both men had their chests exposed, Dean began to run his hands over Cas. He started by tracing his jaw down to his neck. Then he slowly moved his hands down his chest, pausing briefly on his nipples, making Cas moan. Cas returned the gesture, copying what Dean did.

Cas loved that Dean seem to be taking all the control. His own inexperience in bed didn't come into play when his partner was dominant. All he had to do was copy and do as he was told. He'd been doing that his whole life.

Dean pulled back and shimmied out of his jeans, taking his boxers along with them. He reached down and put his hand on the button of Cas's pants. "I think you are overdressed." He paused and looked Cas in the eye. "Is this OK?"

Cas nodded, "Yes, of course."

"Good." Dean smiled as he began to work open Cas's button and fly. Soon, Cas was down to his birthday suit.

He took that moment to really look at Dean. He knew Dean was hot, but seeing him without clothes on just cemented that fact in his brain. Damn. This man must work out or something.

Then Dean was on top of him again kissing him. Cas kissed back and rubbed his hands up and down Dean's back. He loved the feel of Dean’s skin under his hands. Dean moved his kisses so that they went down Cas's neck. Cas found his mouth right at Dean's shoulder. He kissed it like Dean was doing to his. Then he decided to do something differently and started sucking.

Dean let him suck for a moment, then pulled back. "You trying to mark me?" He asked playfully before returning his mouth to Cas's lips again.

Dean slotted their erections together and started rutting against him. He let the friction slowly build. Cas had been wanting this moment for so long that he knew he wasn’t going to last very long. And considering the noises that Dean was making, he didn't seem like he was going to last very long either.

Dean reached down and took them both in his hand and started pumping.

"Dean. I'm close." Cas strained through his heavy breathing.

"Good." Dean's hand just started moving quicker. And a few strokes later both of them were coming on Cas's stomach.

As he was coming down from his high, Dean moved to lay down next to Cas. They didn't move or say anything for a good five minutes.

"Well, we better get you cleaned up," Dean finally said.

He got up, grabbed a rag, and handed it to Cas. Cas took it and began wiping himself down. When he'd cleaned up most of it, Dean held out his hand and motioned for Cas to follow him to the bathroom.

There, Dean turned the water to the shower on and waited for it to heat up. Then he climbed in and motioned for Cas to join him. Dean grabbed the soap and began cleaning Cas from head to toe. During this whole time, neither man said a word.

Cas just went along with it despite his nervousness. He was not real sure what Dean was planning on doing, but he sure  enjoyed the process. Dean continued to wash Cas. Once he paused, Cas took the rag from Dean and started to return the favor. He scrubbed Dean’s back, legs, and chest. He was much more timid about it than Dean was with him, but he tried. Dean seemed to enjoy it nonetheless.

When they got out of the shower, they both dried off and Dean led Cas back to the bedroom.

"I'm assuming that you do want to sleep here tonight," Dean stated quietly.

Cas nodded. "I'd like that very much."

Dean's face lit up. "Awesome." He climbed into bed and moved over to give Cas room. When Cas got in, Dean pulled him close, and they fell asleep snuggled together.

#####

The next morning, Cas woke up with an arm across his stomach. _Where am I?_ He opened his eyes and looked over to see Dean laying next to him. _Oh. Right._ He smiled as he watched Dean sleep. Dean looked so peaceful laying there with his arm strewn across him.

Slowly, Dean stirred and looked up at Cas. "Morning." He smiled, then scooted closer to Cas. _What a great way to wake up._

They lay like that for probably about an hour, before Dean finally decided that coffee was in order.

"Coffee time. And I'm making breakfast." Then he got up and headed out towards the kitchen.

Cas was really glad that he decided to come down to Lawrence on a Saturday. Otherwise he would've had to get up and go to work this morning. But as it was, he could spend the day with Dean.

Cas finally got up and put his boxers back on before following Dean to the kitchen. He was greeted with the smell of coffee and bacon.

"Hope you like eggs," Dean said when he noticed Cas enter. Cas nodded and sat down at the bar to watch Dean cook.

"I had a good time last night," Dean said as he cracked another egg into the pan.

"Me too," Cas replied timidly. "I honestly wasn't sure if this was headed that direction or not."

"Sorry about that. You're kind of hard to read sometimes so I wasn't sure if you wanted it or not. That's why I offered the couch to give you a way out."

Cas laughed. He knew that he was hard to read sometimes. This has been an issue for him in the past. _I'm glad it didn't get in the way this time._ "I thought you did that because you just wanted to be friends."

Dean shrugged. "I didn't want to overstep any boundaries. But come on, you're hot and have a great personality. Why wouldn't I be interested?"

"For a bit, I thought you might be straight."

At that, Dean laughs. "I'm bi, actually. That's a common mistake. In truth, I've slept with pretty much every girl you'll meet at The Roadhouse except for Jo. But I do like men as well."

Great. That was a tidbit of information that Cas didn't need to know. Now he was going to be forced to think about that fact every time he went to The Roadhouse. But he needed to not let Dean know that. "Well, that's good. You're pretty hot yourself."

Dean got a smirk on his face and winked. "I know."

#####

For the next couple days, Cas didn't spend much time in his hotel room. He was either at Dean's house or he was at work.

The new client ended up being really nice, and Cas enjoyed working with her. She added as much to the brainstorming sessions as he did.

After work, he'd go to his hotel, take a quick shower, change clothes, and then call Dean. Dean would invite him over and the cycle would start again. They would hang out for a little while and watch TV. Then things would devolve, and they would end up in bed.

On the fourth day, Dean decided to change it up a bit. "Let's go to The Roadhouse."

Cas was up for anything as long as he got to spend it with Dean. "Sure. Can I meet you there in an hour?"

"That works for me."

An hour later, Cas pulled into The Roadhouse and parked next to the Impala.

When he got inside, he saw that Dean was once again talking to some girl at the bar. _Where does he find these girls?_ Cas wondered if this is one of the girls that Dean has slept with. _I really wished Dean hadn't told me that._

Dean waved him over.

"Cas, this is Chelsea. She's another semi-regular here at The Roadhouse." Dean gestured towards the girl standing next to him. _A semi-regular? Yep. She's one of those girls._

Cas and Chelsea exchanged pleasantries, and then they returned to the conversation they were having before. Cas listened for a little while but soon started to get bored. At one point, he tried to take Dean's hand as a sign that they should move to a table. The instant Cas's hand touched Dean, he moved his hand away.

Cas looked over to Dean confused, but Dean just continued along with the conversation as if nothing had happened.

This, of course, started Cas's mind down a negative path. _Does Dean even want me here?_

The thought hit Cas like a brick wall that maybe Dean didn't want him as much as he wanted Dean. In truth, he really didn't know this man all that well. For all he knew, Dean could be thinking of this as a one-week stand. That would explain him not wanting to touch Cas's hand in public.

Dean did his best to include Cas in their conversation, but Cas isn't all that great at small talk and ended up just listening most of the time. At one point, he ordered himself one of those Fireball drinks that Dean turned him on to. He could really use the liquid moral support. Once he got the drink, he returned to where Dean and Chelsea were still talking.

The conversation continued for a good while until Chelsea announced that she needed to head home. She said her goodbyes to Dean and Cas and headed out.

"Shall we sit?" Dean asked as he motions to a booth.

Cas headed to the booth and Dean sat down beside him on the same side of the booth. _Interesting. He wouldn't touch my hand but now he'll sit couple style in a booth?_

"So you are in town for another three days, right?" Dean asked.

"Yes. That is correct."

"What do you say we do a Star Wars marathon? Two movies a night and we can watch all six." Dean looked hopeful.

Cas tried to push the earlier hand mishap out of his mind. Maybe he was reading too much into things. Dean did seem to be into him. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

"Sure. I've always wanted to see those." Cas replied.

At that, Dean's mouth dropped open. "Please tell me you have seen Star Wars before."

Cas felt his face get red with embarrassment. "Um... I saw the first one in High School."

Dean just shook his head. "Well, okay then. Star Wars marathon it is."


	7. Seperation Anxiety

The next three days passed quickly. Cas did enjoy the Star Wars movies and agreed with Dean that the old ones were better than the new ones. He especially enjoyed what came after the movies.

But they soon found that the week was over, and Cas was supposed to go back to St. Louis. After a bit of pleading, Dean convinced Cas to stay one more day. But even that day went by too fast.

Cas soon found himself in his car leaving Lawrence, wishing that he could stay with Dean longer.

After the ride home, the long distance dating game began. Cas had never really understood the dynamics of a long distance relationship, so he really didn't know what to do.

Cas wasn't even positive that Dean wanted a relationship. Neither of them had made it clear whether or not this was actually a relationship or just a temporary hookup. All he could do was hope that Dean felt like he did.

He knew the dating game was played with phone calls and texts and timing that he didn't understand. He found himself thinking of things to text to Dean just so Dean would know that he was thinking about him. But he didn't send all of them because he didn't want to seem excessive.

At one point, he decided it was a good idea to skip a day and not send anything to see what Dean would do. But that didn't last because Dean ended up calling him.

Despite everything that pointed to their relationship being mutual, Cas could never get the other girls out of his mind. Every evening that he didn't hear from Dean, he'd start to wonder whether Dan had hit up The Roadhouse and had found someone else. His insecurities were probably unfounded, but he was just the type of person to worry a bit too much.

He repeatedly told himself that whatever happened was okay. Whatever Dean wanted was okay. He wasn't going to let himself get hung up on someone else that was going to let him down. Even so, every text and every call was exciting. And it almost surprised him that Dean kept texting and kept calling. His heart would jump every time the phone rang.

"Hello Dean," Cas would say picking up the phone.

"Hi," Dean would reply. "How are you this evening?"

"Great. Just doing a bit of reading."

Cas could almost hear Dean smile over the phone. "Awesome. I just got back from the grocery store. Needed to stock up on food."

"That's always a good thing to do," Cas replied. Their conversations weren't always the most interesting, but they were exciting nonetheless.

"You know," Dean mused.  "There's a correlation between the amount of food that I buy and the amount of people I'm dating."

 _The amount of people? Is that Dean's way of saying he's dating more than one person?_ "Hum. Okay?"

Dean laughed. "I'm talking about you, silly."

Cas sighed with relief. "Oh. Good."

Cas reminded himself that he really should stop looking for things to worry about. It was just making him anxious. If he really looked at it, everything Dean did pointed to them dating. And he just needed to look at it like that. The distance was making him crazy.

But the month continued on just the same with Cas cycling between being excited about his relationship with Dean and worrying about it.

Very soon, he realized it was getting close to time for him to plan his next trip to Lawrence. If someone had told him a few months ago that he would be excited to go back to Lawrence, he would've called them crazy. But here he was, excited to go back to Lawrence.

######

Cas didn't even bother getting a hotel this time. Dean had offered to just let him stay at his house since he'd probably be doing that anyway. Why not just make it official and save some money.

Once again, Cas pulled up to Dean's house with butterflies in his stomach. He knew Dean was waiting for him, but there was still that sense of nervous energy pulsing through him. He was excited and frightened all at the same time.

He got out of his car and knocked on the door, which Dean answered quickly. _Had he been waiting for me to knock?_

He was completely sober this time and had no phone to throw around.

"Come in." Dean stood back so Cas could walk through the door. He looked around and noticed that Dean had cleaned up again for his arrival.

"You can set your stuff down wherever you like." Dean motioned to the living room. "Make yourself at home."

Cas put his bag down next to the couch and turned to face Dean, expecting a kiss. Dean didn't seem to notice and plopped himself down on the recliner.

"How was your drive?" Dean asked.

Cas was thrown off a little by the lack of immediate affection that he had been expecting, but he took Dean's que and sat down on the couch. "Um...it was great. Not much traffic today."

"Good to hear." Dean nodded along with his statement.

There was a pause in conversation as neither man seemed to know what to do. Cas normally turned to Dean in moments like this, but Dean didn't seem to be doing anything.

 _Maybe a question will help things._ "So Dean, how's Sam been doing?" They had talked about Dean's younger brother before in casual conversation, and Dean always seemed to enjoy the topic.

"Oh, Sam is doing great. He's got himself a girlfriend now and can't stop talking about her. I wouldn't be a good big brother if I didn't tease him a bit about it." Dean smiled.

Then suddenly Dean stood up as if he just remembered something. "Would you like something to drink? Water? Wine? Whiskey?"

"Water would be great," Cas answered with a smile, and Dean rushed off to the kitchen. He quickly reappeared with two glasses of water. Then he looked at the glasses and exclaimed, "Damn it! I forgot ice." He turned around and ran off again.

This time Cas got up and followed him. Dean was digging ice out of the the freezer to put in their drinks.

"Dean." Cas said.

Dean paused, sat down the glass, and turned to look at Cas. Cas's face must have been readable because Dean sighed and looked down.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hello," Cas replied.

Then Dean looked up and moved forward at the same time; their mouths colliding in a kiss. This broke the tension that had been in place between them.

They stood there kissing for over a minute before Dean pulled back and looked at Cas.

"Son of a bitch! I missed you!"

This declaration made Cas's heart jump in a good way. He smiled. "I missed you too, Dean."

The kiss had gotten him worked up and he could feel that his pants were fitting a bit tighter. He had been looking forward to this all day. He took Dean's hand and pulled him back into the kiss.

That was all the encouragement Dean needed. Water glasses forgotten, Dean backed Cas up against the kitchen wall as he kissed him. His hands worked to unbutton Cas's shirt and take if off of him, never once breaking the kiss. As he worked his own shirt, he rubbed against Cas. Cas could feel Dean's erection through his jeans and that made his own member twitch in excitement.

Dean's hand started working open Cas's jeans and before he knew it, they were around his ankles. Dean pulled down his boxers to go with them leaving him exposed and bobbing around. Dean quickly took Cas's dick in his hand and rubbed his finger along the slit as he kneeled down. Cas moaned from the sensation.

Dean replaced his finger with his tongue and continued to tease Cas's slit before taking him completely in his mouth.

"Oh, Dean. Yes."

Dean continued to suck bringing Cas closer and closer. Then suddenly Dean stopped and pulled away, leaving Cas whining at the sudden loss of warmth and movement. Dean stood up and grabbed Cas's hand and began to lead him (or really pull him quickly) toward the bedroom.

When they got there, Dean locked Cas into another kiss before giving him a friendly shove onto the bed.

"Cas. I want to fuck you. I want to feel you."

Cas nodded approval and pulled Dean on top of him into another kiss. Cas's fingers dig into Dean's back as he rutted against Dean, craving the friction.

"Oh, Dean. Yes. Fuck me."

Dean pulled away from the kiss just long enough to reach for the condom and lube in the night stand. He put the condom on himself as Cas watched in anticipation. Cas drank in the sight of Dean naked and hard. When Dean was ready, he rubbed the lube between his hands to warm it up before coating his finger in it.

"Turn over. Hands and knees." Dean commanded forcefully yet gently at the same time. Cas did as he was told. Dean's hand, the one without the lube on it, rubbed up and down Cas’s back while the other hand slipped between his cheeks and starts feeling his hole. _Oh, that feels good!_

Then he felt a finger slip slowly inside of him and his breath caught. He never liked the initial pain upon insertion, but the pleasure that he knew followed made it all worth it. "Slowly," he whispered to Dean.

Dean responded by pausing to let Cas's body relax around him. When he felt the muscles release, he began moving his finger again, opening Cas up. He slowly slipped in two fingers and nudged Cas's prostate, making Cas make a noise that was half moan and half squeal. Another finger in and soon Cas was ready.

Dean slipped his fingers out, leaving Cas with a feeling of emptiness for a moment. Then he lined up his dick and began to push in slowly. Once he bottomed out, he began to move, picking up speed and momentum and hitting Cas's prostate with each stroke. Feelings of pleasure ripped through Cas, and he didn't know how long he'd last.

"Dean. Oh. I'm already close."

"Good, baby. Me too." Dean replied through moans of his own.

It was the word "baby" that did it. The instant he heard that, he was coming all over Dean's bed. The pleasure peaking as he felt himself release. Dean didn't last any longer, and he was soon moaning through his own release.

They came down together. Dean pulled out and collapsed to the side, pulling Cas with him so he could lay down and avoid the mess Cas had just made.

They laid there just breathing for a long time. Then Cas finally got up to say what he had been trying to say since they first finished. "That was perfect, Dean. You are perfect."

Dean laughed shyly. "While that was pretty damn good, I'm a long way from perfect."

Cas looked at him with affection. "You look pretty good from here."

"Well, thanks." Dean sat up and slowly climbed out of bed. He picked up his jeans and began to put them back on. Cas watched him as he does this and finally got up when Dean left, presumably headed to the kitchen to get his shirt. Cas followed him.

Cas gathered his own clothes and also began to put them on. Dean looked up and smiled at him. Once both of them were dressed, Dean pulled Cas towards the couch, and they sat there snuggled up for a while.

In this moment, Cas was happy. Very happy.


	8. Oh Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...

The next day, Cas had to go to work, but he left Dean with a goodbye kiss. The way Dean looked at him then made him really excited to come home.

In the middle of the day, his phone rang. He looked down to see Dean's name on the screen.

"Hello Dean."

"Hey. Just thinking about tonight. You busy?" Dean asked excitedly.

"Not really, but can't talk long. Need to look busy, you know."

"Okay. Good. You know how we always just stay at my place and watch movies? Well, I was thinking that maybe we could go out and do something fun." Dean paused and waited for Cas to reply.

"Sure. Okay. That does sound like fun." Cas's heart jumped at the thought. They hadn't spent much time out of Dean's house together since that first week when they went to The Roadhouse other than going on errands like running to the grocery store. Cas had been wondering if Dean was trying to keep their relationship hidden from the world, especially after the night at The Roadhouse where Dean wouldn't hold his hand. But here he was wanting to go out and do stuff.

"So I was thinking," Dean continued. "Maybe we could go mini-golfing. Do you like mini-golf? Then go grab a bite to eat afterwards."

"Mini-golf sounds great, Dean."

"Awesome. I haven't been mini-golfing in a long time. My brother and I used to go as a child quite a bit though, so be ready to get your butt kicked."

Cas smiled. "We'll see about that."

"I'll send you the address. Meet me there at 6." They said their goodbyes and then Cas had something to look forward to for the rest of the work day.

######

Cas was giddy by the time he pulled up to the mini golf course that Dean had texted him the link to. He hadn't realized just how much the fact that they never went anywhere had been bothering him, but now that they were going out, it was as if a weight had been lifted from their relationship. This cemented in Cas's mind even more that Dean must actually be serious about this rather than thinking of this as a passing fling.

Dean was waiting for him by the Impala as he pulled up next to it and got out.

"Hey Cas." Dean greeted him with a hug and a quick kiss. "Welcome to mini-golf. Ready to get owned?"

"Yes. Dean. I want you to own me." He didn't realize quite how that would sound before it came out of his mouth.

Dean looked at him surprised and amused, then started laughing. "That can be arranged as well," he said with a wink.

Cas felt his face turn bright red. He really needed to think before opening his mouth sometimes.

They headed inside, paid, and headed out to the golf course.

They found that playing golf together was quite fun, and on the ninth hole, Cas was actually keeping up well with Dean. Throughout the whole game, they continually teased each other about their various ability at golf. But it was all in good fun.

Dean even opened up a little about playing as a child. He told Cas about taking Sam to play mini golf when their father went on a drunken rampage. Dean had mentioned his dad before but hadn't gone into many details. But tonight, he shared how his father would get depressed over the loss of his mother, who had died in a house fire when Dean was four, and not be able to function well in the world. Sometimes he disappeared. Sometimes he would get in a drunken anger and blame his kids for his unhappiness. He would snap at them. Sometimes he would hit them. And sometimes it would just be a straight comment about their worthlessness and burden to him.

Dean, being four years older than Sam, had tried to protect his younger brother as best he could. Anytime his dad got into the alcohol, he would take his brother out. Since they lived in motels most of the time, mini-golf was a common escape activity. They could play a game and forget about the rest of their lives for a little while. Dean would return to the room and make sure their dad was either gone or passed out before he let Sam come back in.

Cas really couldn't imagine the life that Dean had lived through. He himself had grown up in a fairly normal, although slightly large, family. His father wasn't the closest person to him since he was always traveling for business. But he never doubted that his father loved him and would do anything for him and the rest of his family. His mother was a sweetheart, and the worst thing she ever did was spank him once. He had cried so hard that she swore she'd never to do it again.

Cas listened to Dean's story with sympathy, and despite all the jokes that were being thrown around, Cas could tell how much this game meant to him.

"Is your father still around?" Cas asked, hoping he wasn't overstepping boundaries.

Dean sighed, "Yes he is. He lives in Lawrence and shows up randomly from time to time. Usually he's drunk and is looking for someone to beat on. So really nothing has changed except that I've grown up and I'm able to defend myself. Although truthfully, I haven't seen him in about two months."

Cas placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. He was not quite sure what to say. Dean smiled, and they got back to the game. Apparently just that gesture was enough.

In the end, Dean did win but only by a single point. Cas had held his own pretty well.

#####

After the game of mini-golf, the pair headed over to a local food park to get dinner that was within walking distance of the course.

"So, what do you feel like?" Cas asked as they entered the park and we're surrounded by food trucks.

Dean shrugged. "Not sure. Let's circle around and look at everything. That's the beauty of the food park. We don't have to eat the same thing."

Dean ended up getting a lamb kebab, and Cas opted for a Japanese udon dish that turned out to be mostly just noodles.

They sat down at one of the picnic tables side-by-side to eat their meal. Occasionally, Dean would reach over and rest a hand on Cas's leg. Cas would return the gesture by laying a hand on the small of Dean's back. Cas didn't care what other people thought, and neither, apparently, did Dean, which was a nice change from earlier in their relationship. 

After they finished their meal, they both got snow cones from the snow cone cart. Cas was pleased to learn that there was a Fireball-flavored snow cone. He had really grown to like cinnamon over the last few months.

They once again sat down side-by-side to eat their snow cones.

"You know, you're pretty freaking cute." Dean admitted. He held Cas's left hand in his right and reached over to put a kiss on Cas's neck. They sat like that for a few more minutes casually eating their snow cones. Cas was in heaven. For the first time since Meg, he was actually in a working relationship. Too bad it had to be back in Lawrence.

But his peaceful thoughts were cut short suddenly when everything changed.

Dean glanced up and was looking across the field of people when all of a sudden, he jerked away from Cas. He dropped Cas's hand and the rest of his snow cone fell to the ground. He stood up.

"Shit. Shit. Fuck." He looked around and looked at Cas who is sitting there stunned clutching the rest of his own snow cone. Cas just stared at him not knowing what to do or what was wrong.

"Cas. I’m sorry. This isn't going to work. Goodbye." And then he bolted.

Cas doesn't even have time to react. He just sat there stunned watching Dean run off. In fact, it took a full minute for him to regain control of his own thoughts. _What the fuck just happened?_

Once he came back to himself, Cas slowly got up, threw the rest of the snow cone into the trash, and headed towards his car. There were tears in his eyes.

He made it all the way back to his car before completely losing it. He looked at the parking spot where the Impala had previously been parked, and the tears started to flow more from shock than anything else.

 _Had Dean really meant goodbye for good? Or was he just saying goodbye for the evening?_ Cas just didn't know. He had no idea what just happened.

Cas drove around not sure where to go. All of his stuff was at Dean's house. He finally decided to check himself into a hotel and make do with what he had. He'd let Dean call if he wanted to.

Once he got into his hotel room, he thought about calling Charlie, but decided not to. He was too numb to talk. He sat there and stared off into space for a good 20 minutes then decided that maybe calling Charlie was a good idea after all.

He dialed her number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hey Cas. How's life treating you?" Charlie said cheerfully.

Cas couldn't even get any words out of his mouth. He just started crying.

It took a little while for Charlie to get him to calm down enough to talk. When she did, he told her what happened. He was hoping that maybe she could figure it out.

Unfortunately, Charlie was just as baffled as Cas was.

"I don't know, Charlie. We weren't really talking about anything serious. I had just made a funny comment about a girl's shoes. Then he just jumps up. I don't know what I could've done wrong."

Even talking to Charlie, Cas couldn't get the knot out of the stomach.

"Just give him time, Cas. Surely he'll explain when he's ready." That's all Charlie really could do to be comforting.

Cas fell to sleep that night from the pure exhaustion of crying too much.


	9. Make Up Sex Is The Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning.. This is the chapter with the homophobic language and some other pretty hard stuff.

The next day, he waited till the afternoon, but had still not heard back from Dean. He decided to risk it and give them a call. But as expected, the phone went to voicemail.

"Dean. It's Cas. I hope you're okay, and I'd really like to talk. I hope that you're not too upset with me," Cas said as he hung up the phone.

He thought about returning to St. Louis, but then remembered that everything he brought with him was over at Dean's house with the exception of his wallet and the clothes he had on at the food park. Dean even had his work computer which was probably for the best considering he didn't feel like working.

He called Benny and lied, saying that he had picked up food poisoning at the food park and was not coming into work that day.

"No worries, brother. Health comes first. Feel better soon!" Benny replied cheerfully.

The worst part of the whole thing was not knowing. Not knowing why Dean had freaked out. Not knowing why Dean left. Not knowing why Dean was not calling back. At this point, he just wanted answers.

It took Dean two full days to call Cas back. Two full days where Cas did not leave his hotel room, living off of room service. Two full days for every relationship he'd ever had to come crashing back to him.

When the phone did ring, Cas assumed it was Charlie. But his heart sank when he saw Dean's name. He braced himself and answered the phone.

"Dean."

"Cas. I need to see you. I need to explain." Dean sounded like his voice was about to break.

Cas's heart was breaking, but this was his chance to get the answers he wanted.

Cas, keeping as much emotion out of his voice is possible, replied, "I'll come over. I need to get my stuff anyway."

Dean sighed. "I'll see you when you get here."

Cas hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

#####

Once again, Cas found himself pulling into Dean's driveway with butterflies in the stomach, but these butterflies were different than the ones from before. These butterflies were the poisonous kind. He dreaded what he was going to hear when he got through that door.

He knocked once and waited for Dean to answer. When he did, Cas didn't expect to see what he saw.

Dean was standing there in jeans and a t-shirt. His eye was black and swollen and his lip was busted. Cas was amazed that he hadn't noticed anything when he was talking on the phone with him earlier. _How can he talk with his lip like that?_

The hurt that he was feeling was instantly replaced with the need to care for Dean. He still loved this man dearly. He was still amazed about how much he cared for Dean after only this short time together. They seemed to have a very profound bond.

"Dean! What happened? Are you alright?" Cas stammered as he entered the house.

Dean looked despondent and on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so so sorry." And he lost it and the tears start to flow. Cas threw his arms around Dean and let Dean cry on his shoulder. Even if he was upset with Dean's actions, Dean was obviously hurting and he wasn't going to let him just stand there and cry.

"Dean. What happened?" Cas asked kindly.

It took Dean a moment to gather himself before he pulled away from Cas and led him to the couch. They sat next to each other while Dean spilled everything out.

"Remember how I mentioned that I hadn't seen my dad in a while? Well, I must have jinxed us because I was just sitting with you enjoying myself. And yes, I was really enjoying myself. I looked up and there he was. He was staring at me; staring at us. I knew what he was thinking."

Dean paused for a moment and looked away from Cas as if not sure how much to tell him. "When I was a teen, I had a crush on another guy at one of the schools we attended for a while. My dad caught me looking at him one day after school when he surprised us by actually remembering to pick us up. This was before I could drive. He didn't say anything on the way home, but I knew he disapproved. I just didn't realize quite how much."

Cas could see the tears start to well up again in Dean's eyes. "When we got home, he dropped Sam off at the park next to the hotel we were living in at the time. He said he needed to have a man to man talk with me that didn't involve Sam. I remember Sam looking at me with begging eyes like he knew something bad was going to happen and didn't want to leave. I told him it was alright, and he finally got out of the car."

"We went back to the hotel and weren't three steps through the door when he grabbed me and threw me into the wall. I can remember everything he said like it was yesterday. 'Is that what you are now? Huh? A faggot?'” Dean’s voice broke as he spit out his father’s words.

“He hit me again and said, 'I am ashamed to even call you a son if you are so weak that you have to stoop to something like that. Your mother would be so ashamed.' I wanted to fight back. I knew I could, but I didn't. I just let him hit me. He continued saying horrible things like 'I'm not raising a gay fag. If you want to keep that up, find your own way in the world.' He would have hit me again if the police hadn't shown up. Sam had found a payphone at the park and had called them."

Cas just sat there looking intensely at Dean, absorbed in the story. All of the hurt he had felt earlier was completely gone and was replaced by an overwhelming desire to hug Dean. But he wanted to let Dean finish first.

"My dad was put in jail, and Sam and I went to live with my Uncle Bobby, who isn't really my uncle, but I think of him as one. He was more of a father to me than my own dad ever was. But my dad never forgave us for his jail time. He blamed me for all of it. To him, had I not been looking at that boy, none of this would have happened. His offhanded comments lasted for years. He'd call me a fag out of the blue and sprout homophobic crap all over the place."

"For the longest time, I avoided guys. The pain of that night was too much. But once I left High School, I realized that I was stronger than my dad. All of the anger I had towards him was nothing different than his anger towards me, and I knew that if I didn't start living my life how I wanted, I'd end up an angry drunk just like him. I didn't want that to happen. Soon after that, I had my first real relationship with another man. But even after all this time, I still sometimes shy away from showing outward affection in public."

Dean moved his hand to rest on Cas's knee. Cas placed his own on top of it. Dean continued, "At the park when I saw my father standing there staring at us, it all came rushing back to me. And from the look on his face, I thought history was going to repeat itself. And that is exactly what it did. I bolted and he followed me back here. My face is evidence of what he did. It was like nothing had changed, Cas. Nothing. I've grown up and he stills tries to control me."

"What did you do?" Cas asked.

"I hit him back and locked myself in my room while I called the cops. I'm done, Cas. I'm done. The police came and got him. I'm going to press charges this time. I'm tired of waiting for him to get help. It sounds horrible, but I just want him gone from my life."

"That's not horrible Dean. He sounds like a horrible person. You deserve to live free of him."

Dean looked up at Cas warily. "So, you're not going to leave me?" Dean looked scared as he waited for Cas to answer.

_He thinks I won’t forgive him._ Cas frowned at the thought. "No Dean. I'm not going anywhere. Yes, it hurt when you left, but I thought I had done something wrong. But now that I know, it was an understandable response. It's okay."

Dean's face lit up and he threw his arms around Cas. "Oh, Cas. Once they took my dad away, I was so scared. I felt horrible about disappearing. I was afraid you'd never forgive me. I love you."

Cas's breath caught at Dean's last words. _Love?_ "Dean."

"Yes, Cas. I love you. I know it's crazy. We've only been together a few months, but there is just something about you. You are amazing, and for some reason, you look at me like I'm amazing. Everyone else I've been with has just been fun, but with you, I've fallen hard. I can't even really explain it well. Ever since that night I first introduced you to Jo. I realized you were something really special."

"Dean." Cas raised his hand to Dean's face. "I know what you mean. I love you too. I've loved you since I first met you."

Dean smiled and kissed Cas. He winced slightly when his swollen lip touched Cas, but continued anyway. Cas smiled back through the kiss. _We're going to be alright._

######

The kiss continued for a while. Some tears fell at first, but then the kisses became less tender and more passionate. Finally, Dean pushed Cas backwards and climbed on top of him. They were both already hard from the kissing and started to rut against each other with clothes still on. Cas has never wanted something or someone as much as he wanted Dean in that moment, but he was a bit concerned about Dean's injuries.

"Wait Dean." Cas breathed out. "Are you okay to do this? I don't want to hurt you."

"Yeah. It looks worse than it feels."

"Okay. Then let's do this right. Bedroom."

Dean smiled and climbed off of Cas. Dean headed to the bedroom, and Cas quickly pulled his phone out and sent a quick text to Charlie who we knew was waiting for him to call.

**To Charlie: It's all okay. I'll call later.**

He put the phone down and followed Dean. When he got there, he found Dean laying on the bed with absolutely nothing on. "What took you so long?" He exclaimed to Cas.

"Sorry. Had to text Charlie to get her from sending in a rescue party or, worst, hack your records and make you officially deceased."

Dean gave him a strange look as if saying "Really?"

"I wouldn't put it past her. She's a bit crazy and has amazing computer skills. But how about we stop talking about Charlie and get back to the task at hand," Cas said with a smile and a quick glance as Dean's hard cock. His own was sure making his jeans too tight.

"Good idea," Dean countered. "Come here."

Cas did as Dean commanded. He climbed on the bed and kissed Dean. Then he moved his kisses down Dean's neck and chest and spent some time licking each nipple, making Dean groan in the process. When he was good and ready, he continued down until his mouth was right in front of Dean's hard and already leaking dick.

He licked at the slit causing even more moans to escape from Dean's mouth. "Yes, Cas. Yes."

Then he swallowed Dean down as deep as he could. He moved his mouth exactly as Dean liked it, mouth wide and shallowing continuously.

"Fuck yes!" Dean screamed.

For all of the moans he was making, Dean managed to last a good while before he was coming in spurts into Cas's mouth. Cas swallowed. He kept his mouth around Dean's dick as he felt Dean relax in the afterglow of the orgasm. Once Dean had regained his ability to use his muscles, he pulled Cas up beside him and gave him a big hug. "You are amazing," he whispered and then laughed. "You still have your clothes on."

Cas looked down at himself and laughed as well. "Indeed I do."

Dean helped Cas out of his shirt, taking the time to kiss all of the newly revealed skin in the process. Then he reached down and helped Cas out of his pants. When Cas was completely de-clothed, Dean took a moment to stare at him. Then he got a glimmer in his eyes and said, "Hold on."

He reached into one of the draws of his dresser and pulled out a small object which he then slipped into his mouth. He turned back to Cas, who was looking at him curiously, and climbed between his legs. Dean licked at Cas's slit as Cas had done to him. Then he took Cas into his mouth.

The moment Cas felt the sensation, he almost jumped off the bed in surprise. Dean's mouth was vibrating! The sensation flowed through his cock and made him even harder. "Oh my! Fuck that feels good."

Dean began swallowing him and that combined with the vibrator meant Cas wasn't lasting very long. He wasn't a minute into it before he screamed, "Coming!" right before shooting his load down Dean's throat.

Dean pulled off Cas and took that small vibrator out of his mouth. He looked up and smiled at Cas. "Like that?" He asks.

"Oh, fuck yeah. I want to try that thing on you next time." Cas replied.

Dean smiled at the "next time". "That can be arranged."

Dean laid down next to Cas and put his arm around his lover. "So Cas, I know you seem to have this thing against this city. What can I do to change that?"

Cas looked at Dean lovingly. "I'm pretty sure you've already done just that."

Dean perked up. "Does that mean you'll move back here?"

Cas nodded. "I was already planning on it. Still want to quit my job, but I'm sure we can figure something out to replace it." _As long as we are together..._

#####

A little later, Cas called Charlie.

"Yo Bitch, what's up?" Charlie answered in her usual fun way.

"Hello Charlie. Dean here wants to say something to you." He put the phone on speaker so they could both hear Charlie.

"Hi Charlie." Dean started. Before he has a chance to say anything, Charlie began to lay into him.

"Dean. You twit. How could you do that to.."

Cas cut her off before she had a chance to get too far. "Charlie! Give Dean a chance. I'm not mad at him anymore! Listen."

"Okay, Cas. Fine."

Dean continued, "Charlie. You are important to Cas so I want you to know that Cas is important to me. Very important to me. I'm sorry that I did anything to hurt him. Charlie, I love Cas. As his best friend, I want your forgiveness and blessing."

"My blessing?"

Cas couldn't help but laugh. "It was Dean's idea. He said that he wants us to be together, but doesn't want to face the wrath of Charlie."

Charlie joins into the laughing. "Yes, Dean. If you promise me that you won't repeat this week's performance, I'll give my blessing. Overall, you seem good for Cas."

"Good. Thanks Charlie. I promise." He leaned over and kissed Cas. "I love him."

Cas's heart jumped one more time. "I love you too, Dean."

Cas could almost hear Charlie smile over the phone.

 

<<<<>>>>

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!! I hope you enjoyed it. Writing it was a learning experience but I'm really proud of the end result. 
> 
> I'm thinking about writing the story from Dean's POV. Let me know if you think that would be something of interest. 
> 
> Thanks again to my artist and beta for being awesome!!


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